Revisando mis archivos, encontré la carta que mandé al colegio Waldorf cuando, enter otras cosas, me hablaban de la necesidad de Leandro de estar en un colegio para chicos con "problemas de aprendizaje" Hoy la leo, y no lo puedo creer...
October 2002
To whom it may concern:
This is a statement regarding my son, Leandro Polack.
I know this is a long statement, but I am begging you to read it carefully, as this is the future of a child that you are holding in your hands. I am hoping that this is the way you take this letter into account; you are holding his future, his feelings, his mind and his heart when you make your judgment.
I am presenting to you the facts as I perceived them, of the last week and how it ties with Leandro’s history outside and inside of the school and our family history.
1. The purpose of this letter is the following:
a. To explain the basic disagreement about what is best for my son’s future and why I believe that staying in the school would be best for him.
b. To explain to you why I believe my son is ready to start elementary school.
c. To relate to you as I experienced the events that took place this last week
d. To make clear in front of you, my perceptions, my thought process, my conclusions, my feelings, my sense of surprise, shock, disbelieve and disappointment
He started at the Waldorf a four and a half, in April of 2000 in the Acorn room, after a history of negative experiences, including being hit and forced to remain still by being held down at age 3 in one school and loosing his place in another when we had to leave to Argentina for a period of three months because her grandmother, who he was deeply attached, was in a coma.
His time in the Acorn room was a difficult one. He starting feeling threatened, unhappy, barely speaking English. Even his body was tense and his movements were jerky. Ms Gambardella was concerned about his behavior and recommended therapeutic eurhythmy. I told her that I thought this body expression was a symptom, as they happened only at school and they were related to the extreme anxiety at the school setting. He was even afraid to enter the classroom. I believed that if his anxiety level lowered, then his body would relax. Therefore I thought that treatment with Dr Bell, a clinical psychologist, would help him in a more integral way, from the inside out, treating the heart of the problem. He finished speaking English fluently, making friends and “incredible progress” according to Ms Gambardella in a one-year period with the help of Dr. Bell.
When we started this year, Leandro was happy and excited to be there. In the summer visit, I explained to the teacher where he came from, what made Leandro the way he had been at school, how much he needed bond and trust to succeed This is the way I believe my son learns: first you earn his trust, then his heart and then he will give you, even without asking, his mind and his will. This is his way of dealing with the learning experience. Because of his very negative experiences from the past, including abuse he functions this way: by trusting as his first step.
As the first few weeks of school went on both teachers told me that Leandro’s interaction and behavior was improving. As time went on, the message was that his behavior was good, that his days were usually good. Sometimes he needed to be told more than once what he needed to do and some others he did not listened, but overall he did what he needed to do. We went to Spain on a family trip the first week of October and, according to the teacher it threw his rhythm off, it was hard for him to get back in the routine of the class for a couple of weeks. We spoke and also, Ms Slater spoke with Dr Bell. After that, the teacher said that Leandro’s change was “overnight”; that suddenly he started to behave well. The day after we talked she mentioned what a wonderful day Leandro had. She also mentioned that the suggestions and insight that Dr Bell had were very helpful to understand and help him with his difficulties. After this particular two weeks, the reports that we obtained almost daily were “good day”, “great” or at worst “ he did not listen at cubby time, but good overall”. I was told that cubby time was a hard time for other children too. I must say now that when I was told ‘good’, ‘great’ or ‘OK’, it was never suggested to me of a double standard between Leandro and other children. Furthermore, 2 weeks before the parent child conference took place, Ms Cohill mentioned to my husband that Leandro was doing great “everything he was asked to do”. NEVER ONCE IN ALL THIS YEAR motor skills; gross or fine were mentioned to us. I was even told not to worry, that Leandro was doing wonderful progress. Let me mentioned some of his skills. Several points I make here are related to what happened at the conference.
1. Leandro jumps rope countless times (also commented by his teachers).
2. Uses a two-wheeled bicycle.
3. Uses monkey bars literally like a monkey.
4. This summer was taking tennis lesson (something he wanted to do after seeing my husband doing so) with a tennis teacher who said he has great hand-eye coordination for a child his age.
5. Sows very well (again shown by the teachers).
6. Learned how to skip, cut and draw triangles in literally ten minutes (it took me that long).
7. He is learning how to read and write in Spanish (he is asking us to teach him).
8. He is all the time asking how things work, about animals, dinosaurs planets; he wants to know all kinds of things.
9. He remembers an amazing amount of facts about dinosaurs and animals.
10. As another example of memory that I can think of, he knows all the symbols that are used for his classmates (20 symbols) also acknowledged by the teachers.
11. He is playing games that require strategy with me.
12. He has lots of friends at school and gets along wonderfully at play dates. I have several parents that are willing to bring their perspectives about Leandro in different settings.
I am very troubled and I wonder also by the fact that you teach the children how to plant, bake bread, sowing, which I thought that it was wonderful, but when you tested him it is all about making triangles, squares, cutting shapes. Why would you teach some things and test in something else, on something you have NEVER done in class is beyond my comprehension. If it took me 10 minutes to show him how to do those things he is obviously ready to do them, he just needed somebody to show him how.
Let me describe you the day of the conference, again, as I lived and perceived it. We came in and Caroline and Heather were there, but someone else was there too. Charlotte, from the Morning Glory room, whom I only know by sight. I wondered what was she doing there, since she remained silent for the first whole hour of the meeting, only nodding and making notes. She was also carrying a list, but I did not know what it was. We begun the conference with the teachers telling us how wonderful Leandro has been doing, they showed me paintings and told me how he started painting with only one color and now he is experimenting with three. They also showed me something he is sowing and told me that it was very good, very even. They kept going about how bright and generous he is, how well he gets along with Catherine, Jason, Michael and others, how he finally found a his place in the class, that his listening is improving and his concentration is better, that he sits well for circle time now and how Dr Bell’s suggestions were so helpful to improve his listening. By the end of the hour, as we thought the conference was ending, Charlotte starts speaking. Somebody who I do not know has never taught my son whom he does not know does not have a bonding with. She describes this tests that she gave him. She mentioned she took them twice to give him a fair chance. She mentioned that he could draw a circle and a square, but not a triangle. Then she mentioned his cutting was not good. She mentioned that
is memory was also a problem since he could not remember when she gave him three tasks to perform. She starts talking about his attention span; she mentions that he does not know how to skip and also a deficiency in gross motor skills. When I asked her what was she getting at, she pulls the list that I previously saw and it was a lists of schools for my son. She added that they were thinking only in what was best for him. I was stunned. It was like the world turned upside down. This woman who I did not know, who has interacted with my son twice was telling me all this, something that the teachers, his teachers that see him and us EVERY DAY never mentioned to me. Suddenly this teachers were silent and then, the same teachers who five minutes ago were giving to me this good report about improvement, good sowing and making friends, turned their stories to fit what Charlotte was saying. Suddenly, it was ‘yes, he jumps rope, but does not do the jump in the middle’ or well he really has a lot of problems relating to the other children, he gets along’, which is inconsistent not only with what they reported to me before, but also with what I see in the playground and what other parents see in play dates and relate to me from accounts of other children. When my husband asked Caroline why is he then loved instead of just being tolerated or even rejected by his peers in the school, she said that it is only because she mediates for him. He asked then how did she explain the “good” and “great” reports that we got daily. She said she meant, “What I meant was they are good for Leandro”. (!!!!!)
At this point I said that I would take him to therapeutic eurhythmy which they felt would be wonderful for him, that I would help him with his concentration and listening skills, that I would do everything it was in my power to help him get there in the following months. They explained that it would be difficult since the contracts were given in January. I asked that to please keep the space for him until the end of the year and they said I have to take that request to the Collegium. Then they gave me a hug and sent me home
I left the school feeling confused, devastated, betrayed. I called Caroline later that day since I needed some answers. I have one request and two questions. My request was that since she always says that Leandro’s progress is so wonderful, I wanted her to put that in writing for you as a testimony of what my son is capable of.
I started to think that since Charlotte had come in with a list of schools in her hand, maybe I was being very naïve about being given a chance. So I asked her that if I was going to go through all this, if she thought that the school was really going to give me a chance or if minds were already made up and I was just getting lip service. She said she did not know how to answer that. She told me I should better speak to Andrea, since she has been in the school for much longer.
The other comment I had for her is that this has taken me completely by surprise. She said to me “Yes, I was not expecting that either, I was very surprised when I was given the results” I am asking you: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? HOW CAN HIS OWN TEACHER FIND IT UNEXPECTED, WHEN SHE IS THE ONE TEACHING HIM, DEALING WITH HIM EVERY DAY? DOES THAT MEAN SHE EXPECTED SOMETHIN ELSE, LIKE ‘READY AND CAPABLE’ OR AT LEAST ‘READY BY THE END OF THE YEAR’?
Which makes me think that the decision is obviously not taken by the main people who deal with him on a daily basis and is not taken by his daily performance on his present grade, since she was taken by surprise.
Am I to think that this decision was based on a test that tests thing that are not taught in the classroom, made by someone who worked with him twice; that this test, has more weight in the decision, than his teachers who work and teach him every day, who were taken by surprise. It seems obvious that what they thought before the test was more aligned with what I thought otherwise, why being surprised? It also seems that the change in discourse of the teachers were later changed to be more aligned with the test; everything I thought and hope to be able to think again, you do not stand for. Stand for the child instead of a test. His performance over a period of time with someone he knows and trusts instead of a piece of paper that shows you a snapshot of a moment given by someone who has never worked with him. Tell me: what is more valuable?
I spoke to Andrea, who was of course informed of everything that had happened as I found out through her She was involved in meetings about him, testing and I guess the future of Leandro. So much for open channels of communications with the parents about problems and issues!!
With her, I was told in harsher terms why it was not possible for Leandro to be in a class with a 23 to 1 ratio. When I told her that given Leandro’s history or trauma and abuse in the school setting and how long it took (and how much work) for him to trust, flourish and establish a bonding with this school and how damaging for Leandro’s self confidence, heart and mind was to sever the ties than to struggle a bit with listening skills in first grade, she said that she did not want to get angry with me (!!!!!) that the parents (such as me) always wanted them to be open minded but I was not. She told me: “You do not understand: He will not struggle; He will fail”. She also said that I can appeal to Collegium that might hold the position for Leandro, that they may give me an opportunity but I will possibly have to make an statement, put it in writing, about accepting their final decision if it came to be negative later this year if I wanted them to give me a chance. Is this the same school I came to love and trust all this time? I also explained to her the seriousness of the consequences that this decision could mean for all our family. We are thinking of returning home, to Argentina, so he does not live it as a rejection. We bought a house close to the school and built our life to integrate it to this community. Her answer to this serious statement was that this was not their responsibility, that it was our choice to do so.
After all this I did not see the point in arguing with her anymore. I just requested that since she felt that his progress was uncommonly positive and unexpected last year (from a child who barely spoke English when she met him) to please put it in writing as a testimony for you.
Now I thought that finally, I was listening to the message that made sense with the news I was given earlier. Now also the “ gross motor skill issue, something that happened last year, something that was never brought up to me this year was making sense. This fact, again Ms Gambardella impressions of last year, made me think that her message was more consistent also with what happened on the conference. Considering that she has not worked with him the last six months am I to think that the future of my son, his heart, his mind, his confidence in you has been determined by:
1. The impressions and thoughts of Andrea’s based on last years’ performance vs. his current performance and her current teacher’s impressions.
2. A test more than class performance (considering Caroline’s surprise)
3. Tests and conclusions of someone not related to my son, and knowing his history, trust and bonding is an essential part of the learning process for him, as I thought it was for you too.
Am I to think that Andrea perception had more weight in this decision (it did not take her by surprise and she had no qualms in her opinion that he WILL fail) the teacher whose perception may be influenced in a younger, less mature Leandro than today’s? One younger child where the phrase ‘he will fail’ may have been more accurate?
• I believe he is ready, but I believe that there is something more important than that: I believe you are going to break his heart and his trust and I thought you cared about the whole child.
• The reason why we are fighting this is not out of academic pride; I feel I have lost something that I had for the Waldorf School, but my son loves the school and feels he belongs.
• Also take into account his mind, because as the teachers always tell me and as I know, Leandro is a very bright child, talented and has a lot to offer and to give.
My conclusions are as following:
• The damage that you would cause to my son if those measures were taken the bonding, the trust, the heart that you would break. There was so much time and effort and love invested by him in this school. Could you even conceive how much time and pain and effort it would take him to recover form the setback you are going to cause if you sever the ties with the school; the scars that you are going to set, the distrust that is going to originate? That is the most important of all the reasons by far that I can convey to you.
• My feelings, my sense of surprise, shock, disbelieve, disappointment, of letting down what I believed the school stood for and also for the way this was handled without open communication, without telling us what happened, without telling us that he was going to be tested a second time, because something happened the first time. Being tested by someone he did not know, did not trust, he did not established a bonding with and having more consideration of the opinion of last year’s teacher, when he was not ready, to this years’ teacher that told me he was basically fine, or that problems that he had never been conveyed to me as so serious that something like this could happen. The way the problems were presented to me, from somebody totally unknown to me or my child that basically came to the meeting with a list of school in her hands. The way everything was handled in this situation is the most unacceptable and unexpected of ways.
• The third one is the disagreement over readiness for first grade; obviously his intellect is ready but I also believe that his heart and his will are also ready, despite of what miss Gambardella may think. I trust my son and even the people that are stating that he is not capable of doing the progress needed to get into first grade the remaining portion of the year, even they acknowledge the uncommonly fast positive progress and maturation that he made in only a year .I have asked Andrea, as well as her current teacher, to please put that in writing. If he did that kind of progress which I believed it was harder to accomplish that the improvement in listening skills and concentration that he may need now: Why would it be so hard to believe that he can make such progress in the next seven months of classes? I don’t see why he couldn’t do it twice.
You may feel that my letter is a very emotional one and you are right; I do not have the capability to separate my mind from my heart and I believed that was one of the reasons why this school was good for my son.
Not only he is ready to learn, not only he is willing to learn; he is anxious to learn at the Waldorf school. And you are turning away from him.
When Leandro came to you he was an injured child; you help him get up, heal, mature, develop language, make friends and especially building the so needed trust between the school and him. I don’t understand, this action now that he has accomplished so much You claim that he will be happier somewhere else, knowing his history. Taking all this into account, how can you ever think that this change from everything thought to be a friendly, safe place could be for his best interest. How can you think that it will be more to his advantage as a whole person to let him go than to keep him? Can you look at me and tell me that this is truly what you believe? Are you truly representing what is best for my child?
I trusted you and my son still does. “Waldorf honors all children”. I love what I thought it was you stood for.
I feel shocked, disappointed, and so immensely sad. You make me feel that I don’t belong that I do not understand your codes. I know that is not your responsibility, as Andrea pointed out of what action we take if Leandro does not continue in this school (we are thinking of returning home). We bought a house close to the school and built our life to integrate it to this community and when I said all this I did not mean that you were directly responsible, that “it is our choice” as Andrea put it but I just thought she would care, that the school would care of how deeply this is affecting us.
I want to believe in this school again. Please, help me understand this impossible situation
Sincerely,
Mariana P. Levy-Polack .
